You're delving into a realm my wife and I have spent the past 6 years exploring. A few points to consider, understanding your personality is very important in understanding your consciousness. Having known you personally, it's interesting that your personality is very similar if not an exact mirror of my wife's.
By what you've written about your wife, her personality sounds similar to mine.
I recall a time you took this test, it's actually a very good starting point to understand the topic, if you're interested in going deeper, I'd suggest taking it with your wife and discussing the results: https://www.16personalities.com/
Now, understanding that, assume you have an Architect-Analyst personality, than you're likely prone to overthink things to the point of repressing or ignoring your feelings.
Conversely, if you're a Campaigner-Diplomat personality, like me, you're prone to over-feeling things to the point you're unable to think strategically about anything because your emotions overwhelm you.
Consider then, the most cliché aspect of quantum physics: the Observer effect.
In the most laymen of explanations, the perspective of the observer of the input into a system influences it's output. That is, the output is not deterministic based solely on the input fed, but also on the bias of the passive observer.
This is metaphorically how the subject of reality manifestation comes into effect.
On any given day, you make tens of thousands of decisions to influence the outcome of your day. The vast majority of those decisions you make unconsciously to determine what seems like the most rational action. None of which you consciously think about:
The way you get out of bed, the hand you use to brush your teeth, how you get dressed, how you look at your phone, how you type on a keyboard on your computer.
Each action, though trivial in their own, aggregate into the entire outcome of your day, that being, the manifestation of your reality.
What drives these actions are your unconscious feeling processes. Your intuition.
The part of your mind the becomes active when you stop thinking.
I recently also have been going through a period of reflection and contemplation, and like you, I've been working through the various stages of trauma.
I've spent a lot of time doing shadow work, that is, exploring the dark corners of my mind to understand why I do the things I do, think the things I think, and feel the things I feel - and it has been quite the journey.
Unbelievably painful. So painful I've actually had to go the ER, because the mental and emotional pain it's brought up has had real, physical effects.
But at the same time, it's been very cathartic, allowing me to figure out the decades long explanation for patterns of behaviour I look back on now with intense regret, but now have the clarity to move on from.
Carl Jung once said: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
Going back to what I said earlier about collaborating with your wife after carefully analyzing hers and your personality, you likely have a completely different system of observation of reality from your wife's (my wife and I are the perfect, opposite pair), and exploring each other's observations will give you clarity you'll never be able to find for yourself about the inner workings of your unconscious mind.
Gaining that clarity will help you work through the shadows of your past, and reveal the path forward to manifest into reality what you truly desire.
Once you know the "what" and "why" of your desires, the "when" and "how" to manifest them become effortless.
Many painful decisions are only painful because we feel them the way we we did when we first formed the memories of when you made them. So for example, as a child, I was witness to very extreme forms of abuse that, at the time, I decided to normalize and accept. Until recently, I never went back and reflected on those decisions, some made when I was 4 years old.
When I traced through the past 4 decades since those memories were formed, I saw the clear pattern how significant those childhood decisions were and how so much of the pain I feel in the present, and many of the biggest regrets of my entire life, stemmed from a childhood decision I had never revisited and re-framed as a 44 year old man.
As a child, for example, I had decided that it was my responsibility to assume the blame for other peoples anger and frustration, and then spent 40 years being everyone's emotional punching bag.
Now that doing so has literally caused me to experience problems with my heart, only after I've spent enormous amounts of time meditating, reflecting, journaling, and re-framing those past traumas have I been able to change my relationship to that pain.
You're right, the pain doesn't heal, only instead of feeling so consumed by fear, shame, and betrayal, I also feel a sense of clarity at understanding that was the past, this is the present, and my future is not a slave to that traumatic experience.
And so, instead of thinking by default: "I'm responsible for everyone else's emotions," as I have almost every day of my life.
I now think: "I'm only responsible for my own emotions and those of the people I love the most," and by thinking of the truth of those words, the pain of those traumatic childhood memories feel more like a pin prick instead of an axe wound.
I think there is a base-layer reality such as if you walked in front of a Bus you will get squished. But past that base layer I think there is a lot up for discussion as to what you can control.
Yes this really is the crux of the question being asked.
I'm on the journey of researching and trying to understand that exact question and answer.
I can say for certainty that I do believe at this point in time - you live a happier life by focussing on the positive, having detailed images in your head of what the future you want looks like - down to minute detail, and seeing that vision as being a past certainty.
Thanks for the questions!
Do you have any experiences/thoughts on the topic?
You're delving into a realm my wife and I have spent the past 6 years exploring. A few points to consider, understanding your personality is very important in understanding your consciousness. Having known you personally, it's interesting that your personality is very similar if not an exact mirror of my wife's.
By what you've written about your wife, her personality sounds similar to mine.
I recall a time you took this test, it's actually a very good starting point to understand the topic, if you're interested in going deeper, I'd suggest taking it with your wife and discussing the results: https://www.16personalities.com/
Now, understanding that, assume you have an Architect-Analyst personality, than you're likely prone to overthink things to the point of repressing or ignoring your feelings.
Conversely, if you're a Campaigner-Diplomat personality, like me, you're prone to over-feeling things to the point you're unable to think strategically about anything because your emotions overwhelm you.
Consider then, the most cliché aspect of quantum physics: the Observer effect.
In the most laymen of explanations, the perspective of the observer of the input into a system influences it's output. That is, the output is not deterministic based solely on the input fed, but also on the bias of the passive observer.
This is metaphorically how the subject of reality manifestation comes into effect.
On any given day, you make tens of thousands of decisions to influence the outcome of your day. The vast majority of those decisions you make unconsciously to determine what seems like the most rational action. None of which you consciously think about:
The way you get out of bed, the hand you use to brush your teeth, how you get dressed, how you look at your phone, how you type on a keyboard on your computer.
Each action, though trivial in their own, aggregate into the entire outcome of your day, that being, the manifestation of your reality.
What drives these actions are your unconscious feeling processes. Your intuition.
The part of your mind the becomes active when you stop thinking.
I recently also have been going through a period of reflection and contemplation, and like you, I've been working through the various stages of trauma.
I've spent a lot of time doing shadow work, that is, exploring the dark corners of my mind to understand why I do the things I do, think the things I think, and feel the things I feel - and it has been quite the journey.
Unbelievably painful. So painful I've actually had to go the ER, because the mental and emotional pain it's brought up has had real, physical effects.
But at the same time, it's been very cathartic, allowing me to figure out the decades long explanation for patterns of behaviour I look back on now with intense regret, but now have the clarity to move on from.
Carl Jung once said: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
Going back to what I said earlier about collaborating with your wife after carefully analyzing hers and your personality, you likely have a completely different system of observation of reality from your wife's (my wife and I are the perfect, opposite pair), and exploring each other's observations will give you clarity you'll never be able to find for yourself about the inner workings of your unconscious mind.
Gaining that clarity will help you work through the shadows of your past, and reveal the path forward to manifest into reality what you truly desire.
Once you know the "what" and "why" of your desires, the "when" and "how" to manifest them become effortless.
Me and my wife are literal opposites.
However my wife's dimensionality is flat - akin to a human embodyment of an NPC.
So introspection is between me and myself :)
I have been down the path of studying Jung, shadow work etc.
I should take the time to re-visit based off your reminder.
Thank you for your note - its great to see someone so introspective as you.
Some decisions are very painful and don't heal. All that one can do is try to do something to offset the bad with a double dose of good.
-1 bad decision to be offset with something +2 good.
At least it produces a somewhat beneficial outcome.
Many painful decisions are only painful because we feel them the way we we did when we first formed the memories of when you made them. So for example, as a child, I was witness to very extreme forms of abuse that, at the time, I decided to normalize and accept. Until recently, I never went back and reflected on those decisions, some made when I was 4 years old.
When I traced through the past 4 decades since those memories were formed, I saw the clear pattern how significant those childhood decisions were and how so much of the pain I feel in the present, and many of the biggest regrets of my entire life, stemmed from a childhood decision I had never revisited and re-framed as a 44 year old man.
As a child, for example, I had decided that it was my responsibility to assume the blame for other peoples anger and frustration, and then spent 40 years being everyone's emotional punching bag.
Now that doing so has literally caused me to experience problems with my heart, only after I've spent enormous amounts of time meditating, reflecting, journaling, and re-framing those past traumas have I been able to change my relationship to that pain.
You're right, the pain doesn't heal, only instead of feeling so consumed by fear, shame, and betrayal, I also feel a sense of clarity at understanding that was the past, this is the present, and my future is not a slave to that traumatic experience.
And so, instead of thinking by default: "I'm responsible for everyone else's emotions," as I have almost every day of my life.
I now think: "I'm only responsible for my own emotions and those of the people I love the most," and by thinking of the truth of those words, the pain of those traumatic childhood memories feel more like a pin prick instead of an axe wound.
Because its always on my mind :)
I think there is a base-layer reality such as if you walked in front of a Bus you will get squished. But past that base layer I think there is a lot up for discussion as to what you can control.
Yes this really is the crux of the question being asked.
I'm on the journey of researching and trying to understand that exact question and answer.
I can say for certainty that I do believe at this point in time - you live a happier life by focussing on the positive, having detailed images in your head of what the future you want looks like - down to minute detail, and seeing that vision as being a past certainty.
Thanks for the questions!
Do you have any experiences/thoughts on the topic?